tl;dr WHITELIST chasecdn.com IN NOSCRIPT.
I returned from abroad a week and three days ago. It was around that time that I noticed Chase Online Banking stopped working for me, though it worked just fine on the burner computer I carried with me while away from home. I wasn’t terribly worried until a few days ago when I realized that this supposed outage (for that was what the webpage informed me it was) had been going on entirely too long without any ripples on either Google News or Twitter. Was this a problem specific to me?
I called up customer support and predictably achieved no real results. They fed me a presumable red herring by waffling about some known issue that their technicians were fixing. But at least Suzanne was honest to tell me directly that there was no systemwide outage that they knew of, and so the problem was probably on my end. (Hubris erroneously told me otherwise.) It only occurred to me today to change up my approach to see if I could isolate the problem.
First I went back to my burner computer (SL7 with Google Chrome on permanent incognito mode). I was thunderstruck when I logged in without issue. Second, I repeated this feat on my normal workstation with Firefox Nightly. This ruled out Chase implicitly blacklisting Linux or Firefox setups. I hung my head in shame. The fault was mine, then.
I cleared my cache, cleared out my Chase cookies, and restarted Firefox. No good.
Some devil or angel whispered in my ear and I glanced at NoScript while the redirection transitioned me from a spinner-on-blank-page to the boilerplate outage page. I managed to catch sight of NoScript blocking out one chasecdn.com. I added the same to my whitelist. Login, success! facedesk.
Let this story remind me from time to time that just because I know how to clear my cache and cookies (and also know what both of those are) doesn’t mean I get to assume nothing is ever my fault.